While the headlines tell of the deadly quake and tsunami on the other side of the world, what right do I have to feel caught up in the devastation. Our violent rain storm and the threat of flooding in the North Eastern, United States has passed. Today, it seems almost unfair to appreciate the calm after the storm.
The weather is fair, the sun is attempting to shine through the remaining overcast. With Peanut the dog out in the yard, yelping because she wrapped her chain around the tree too many times, the front door is open and the fresh air is replenishing the staleness.
As Sarah said just the other day, she knows mom’s doing spring cleaning when the windows and doors are open and Melissa Etheridge is playing. I’m feeling it. Although I might give in to another temptation, throw my sneakers on and take a long walk, far away from here. But in walking, it’s always harder returning home; physically that is.
The meteorological forecast is presently clear, yet the personal storm in my life lingers.
Returning home can be difficult mentally regardless of what mean sets off your journey; when you are returning to the sameness that set you off. Acceptance is difficult when it is beyond your comfort zone, trust is difficult when the cost might mean ruins. I am not a gambler; for me risk is foolishness. The word ‘reckless’ comes to mind. I feel I’m amidst a storm, seeking escape, before I’m trapped in the destruction.
This is not the way I chose to live my life. Some storms we have no control over while others we can seed to erupt elsewhere, navigate through, or just close our eyes, shut our mouths and play stupid.
Lately, the word ‘enough’ has been on the forefront of my mind. I need to return to a place of comfortability. I’m feeling seasick on land. Maybe I’m just crazy.
Can you write yourself out of a storm?