I’ve been unsuccessful reconnecting with old friends through Social media. Although we become “friends” and establish an interest in each other’s lives, perhaps an email or two gets sent between us, then that’s where it ends. With another new attempt at reconnecting underway, I thought I’d explore what has gone wrong in the past.
I found that many times, while corresponding, that I don’t ask specific questions or perhaps the questions I ask seem superficial, as I don’t want to put anyone on the spot or cause these old endeared friends any uncomfortability. I do this because to quote Dr. Scott Peck from The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult” and for me, much of life has been painful, therefore I tread cautiously which might seem as if I don’t care, when in fact, I care very much.
Perhaps some of my inquires or responses are too candid, causing uncomfortability and instead of acknowledging and responding it is easier to ignore my message. When I say, “I hope your family is doing well” or I say, “I am looking forward to catching up”, I am giving the friend the opportunity to tell me what it is they wish to share, without putting them on the spot. I don’t want to ask how so-and-so is doing when I search and do not find them listed as friend and/or family. Or, if I do ask a specific question or mention your family member and I don’t hear back: I wonder if I should have held back my inquiry.
I wonder, at what point in the correspondence should I expect to hear from certain friends: “I was sorry to hear (ten years ago) the news of your Mother’s passing.” To simply ignore my loss when you know, as your mother was one of my mother’s closest friends and I did make the call, is upsetting. (I’m sensitive that way.) Or, when you tell me your mother is happy to hear we have reconnected and wonders how everybody is doing, that doesn’t tickle me with warm feelings. Yet, with nine month’s passing since your inquiry, I think I might be ready to let go of my disappointment and reply. Perhaps you think you offered your condolences all those years ago or I forgot you had.
This morning, in my latest friend reconnection, I responded superficially and she replied back asking to hear everything while telling some of the life she’s led, with it’s ups and downs. Instead of a heartfelt letter like the ones I wrote the others, I regret that had to apologize to her for being impersonal by asking her instead to read three of my blog posts. I did this as to not relive these difficult times while catching her up. In addition, I told her that I would discuss any part of this that she would like. Now, I am even more uncomfortable as I await her reply, not certain, as this has been my experience, that one will come.
- How do you reconnect after, 10, 20, or 30+ years?
- How do you forgive those who weren’t there when you needed them?
- How do you forgive those friends you had lost in the divorce?
In the reconnection this morning, unlike the others it is without any hard feelings and our correspondences continue. In this woman, I find what is called a true friend.
After all, there we were together in her Facebook photo’s, taken 30 years ago, at her Bat Mitzvah. And just when my little sister Diane needs her friend most they will be reunited.
my sister and her friends. xoxoxo