Undefining Roles: Beyond Feminism

As I’ve become a full-time blogger, I feel the need to end 2010 with a substantial post for my readers to ponder into the new year.  To move forward with hope, to strengthen the family, to open lines of communication with partners, and in these changing times to stop to evaluate what is working and not working in your lives.

I was born during the turning point, in the turbulent sixties.  Although my mother claimed to be a feminist there was no significant change between her life style and that of her mother’s beyond, what seemed to be the benefits of the industrialization of food. Processed foods, canned goods, packaged boxed cakes, replaced the whole foods of her mother’s generation.  The industrialization of food created short cuts to enable women freedom from the kitchen and eliminate the excuse of time needed at home for them to enter the workforce.

Coming of age in the nineteen eighties I had more choices than that of my mother: college, career, and/or family.  Women were doing it all.  I found it to be a hell of a juggling act.  The men of my generation, are all for their woman easing the financial burden, but I haven’t met one yet that didn’t want a good wholesome meal on the table or who thought cleaning a house and child rearing to be a joint responsibility.

Sure, I will give credit where credit is due.  The men of my generation are willing to “help” us with our responsibilities.  I am inspired to write this post as I’ve read blogs from women much younger than me struggling to feel a sense of importance as SAHM or valued as an equal partner as they take on the roles of Superwoman.

I also feel a sense of responsibility to prepare my own children, young men and women coming of age.  What are the values I want to pass along to them?

  • Education for all so they have choices available to them.  Yet, I am disgruntled as I sit here unemployed with my college degrees with student loan coming due and no decent jobs available.  I hope the prospects for employment with take a turn for the better soon, real soon.
  • Self-reliance and it being essential not living beyond your means, but living as if your poor because the work or the ability to work many not always be there.  If I’ve learned anything in this downturned economy: it’s the survival of the wisest!
  • Whole foods as it is the preservative, those long shelf life food items, and fast foods that are causing obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer.


In order to raise healthy children, or have a successful relationship in a healthy family, the relationship of men and women, women and women, men and men, regardless of gender, the heads of household needs to be a non-gendered equal partnership, where each partner feels respected.

*All images courtesy of Google Images

Please share your comments of balancing success and stressors or thoughts on this post. My best to you all in the New Year!


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About Aligaeta

I am a life time resident of NY State. A graduate of Nassau Community College, AA in Liberal Arts and Queens College, BA in English and Sociology. I am the mother of four children, the survivor of divorce, and I love to write in prose. This blog will be a record of my journey... destination unknown. Read more... https://aligaeta.wordpress.com/
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4 Responses to Undefining Roles: Beyond Feminism

  1. jannatwrites says:

    The joke in our family was that my grandma was born in the wrong generation – no man was going to tell her what to do! My grandpa may have belonged in another generation, too because he was okay with it. I didn’t think much about this, until I saw the difference in some of the other couples their age.

    I do think I do more around the house than my husband. He will do things if I ask him to, but not on his own. (Maybe I want too much for him to vacuum the floors because they are dirty, not because I ask him to.) On the flip side, I don’t do any yard work. Some people like gardening or working with plants. Not me. Hate it. (My husband saw a neighbor woman mowing her lawn and said, ‘my wife doesn’t do that.’ I just told him, ‘I guess you married the wrong woman.’)

    There isn’t really a steady balance in our household – it’s more like we address the things that need attention the most, then when the things we put on hold get unruly, we get back to them, and so the process goes.

    • Aligaeta says:

      Well, both my grandparents were in the kitchen, my grandfather also worked as a chef in NYC, so the kitchen in their apartment was shared domain.

      I think with two workers you need two workers at home and a lot of flexibility in mess tolerance : )

      Happy New Year!

  2. I guess lately I have been teaching myself not to care what my husband does because when I care, I get emotional and he would say that I am being overly sensitive without understanding his situation or where he was coming from.

    Sometimes I wonder which of us really don’t understand the other. I find it easier not to care what he does, if he sleeps, if he goes with his friends, albeit I feel it’s unfair for me to give, give, give all the time. At the end of the day, I am sick and tired of all the arguments and cold shoulders we are giving each other. I know we both trying to make it work but although I have always been able to talk to him about anything, this is one of the hardest things that I find to talk to him about.

    I know we need to sort it out one day but at the moment, I am happy not caring because I know that we both notice that we talk less and I seem distant, but at least I am not crying or angry all the time anymore.

    It’s nice to know that I am not the only one who goes through this. With woman like you around to help me out, I think I’ll be all right.

    Happy new year to you too!

    • Aligaeta says:

      It helps when you can step out of yourself and see the whole picture then you know you are not alone. You will be more than alright, you’ll be terrific!

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