Lately, family time has been abundant, with his two youngest’s birthdays, November, December, then Christmas, and then my partner’s mom, sister’s, and their families, arrival yesterday, in hope of seeing us and the kids, because I couldn’t give them a definite answer on a trip up with the kids to see them for New Years.
The children’s mother, having lost her husband, is afraid that she will also lose her children to us. Now, with them older and with years passed, they are saying they want to go with Daddy and finally she can’t refuse.
So, yesterday he picked them up for their second gathering at my house in a week. This time with cousins, Granny, aunts and uncle, their big brother and three of my four children at home. Seventeen people in the tiny farmhouse it was just wonderful! When they arrived I learned from his little girl that to my surprise they will also be coming with us on the trip for New Years to Granny’s. Although my partner says their Mother was trying to play it’s this or that, before he put his foot down.
It seems that we need to have a plan instilled with the children in order for them to be available to spend quality time with their father. The past disappointments were breaking his heart and mine too. Dropping off money, medication, or papers for this or that, to steal fifteen minutes time with the kids while I wait in the car does not constitute as visitation, nor does us taking them for a trip to the doctors.
It appears that “I’m going (destination) with daddy (date and time with some flexibility)” works now that they are older. Hopefully, this will continue to work when it does not involve presents and parties, otherwise we will have to become a very festive bunch.
It has been a struggle reclaiming what is rightfully his: parenthood.
I know there are legal means to go about such things and I very happily sent my children out with their father over the years. I found it to be a well needed break that my brother’s wife, (mother of five) always reminds me she envies. Yet, it’s not my custody/visitation to battle, it’s his and all I can do is make suggestions to him and now, to his children and see how our family grows and smiles.